Being in what feels like a brand new season, I archived most of my past blog posts. I’m fairly fresh out of a 2.5-month intensive discipleship class, and it was the most incredible, life-giving reset I needed. I shut out all media–movies, TV, most music, podcasts, books, all social media. I made new friends. We were honest and vulnerable, and also laughed til our faces hurt.
On paper, a discipleship class (with a lot of fasting and praying) sounds more like a religious obligation. It doesn’t sound fun. But fun, joy, and laughter are exactly what I got out of it–and not in a cheesy Christian sense, either. In fact, what I see now is that God is always trying to frustrate my religiosity so my heart is more open, vulnerable, and free. Believe it or not, THAT was my big takeaway from all the religious-sounding spiritual practices we did: GO HAVE FUN.
I seem to be waking up to parts of my heart I forgot about, things that gave me so much joy. I love throwing parties, bringing people together, and creating spaces of belonging. I love whimsy and imaginative play. I love being in nature, especially kayaking and rafting on a river, where I feel like Pocahontas exploring natural wonders. I also really, really loved working with kids in the inner city about 12 years ago. (I found myself praying, “Lord, give me the complicated kids.”) So I’m actively looking for ways to connect to serving opportunities.
My two all-time favorite places as a kid in Hawaii were Foster Gardens–a botanical garden with the most whimsical collection of trees (some of which were climbable!), and the Hawaii Nature Center, which is where I did nature hikes, learned about native plants, and slid down their epic volcano slide. Those two places inspired my love of butterflies, especially monarchs. There was a time when I could recite the caterpillar lifecycle from memory and was so fascinated by the chrysalis stage. That’s where a caterpillar’s whole body turns to goop and gets reconfigured. Then they emerge looking totally different, having the ability to fly and see from a higher perspective.
That’s where I am now: emerging, trying out my new wings. In the second half of 2023, I intentionally let myself process through 15 years’ worth of grief over unrealized dreams. But after culminating that season with such an intentional time with the Holy Spirit, I now feel like a new person, excited about all the possibilities before me.
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