My best friend, K, and I got together for coworking the other day. During our break, our conversation wandered to “What if I made that other choice in my 20’s?” (insert flashback montage here)
After college, I wanted to travel and make documentaries with National Geographic. (My degree is in Digital Communications for that reason.) A step I took towards that was a 6-month YWAM missions school after college, though I hoped to stay for a few years as a “media missionary.” I chose a YWAM base in Oregon specifically because they had an amazing media team that traveled to different countries to make missions films. …Fast-forward to when I was there. On a YWAM base, everyone is assigned a job (because you live in community). One of the jobs was in the media department, for which I thought I was a shoe-in. So when they announced the media assistant, I was about to walk up to claim my spot… but I wasn’t chosen.
I didn’t stay there long-term for many reasons, but I held on to the travel/film production idea. In 2014, after settling into Elizabethtown, I found out about a similar opportunity with YWAM in Australia. So I formed a game plan: I’d take 3 years to prepare to move there. I’d save money, make connections to that base, and start letting friends and family know my plans.
But another thing happened in 2014: I started illustrating. It was just a fun hobby… but I also knew deep down that something very core to who I am–something I forgot about and was afraid of exploring because of people’s opinions–was awakening. Opportunities to display and sell my work started coming to me naturally, without me even looking. Clients and art venues approached me. Before I knew it, I had a nice side income and even won a few big awards. There seemed to be a lot of favor with illustration.
The end of 2017 came and I knew it was decision time about Australia. I connected with someone from there and stayed in touch for the 3 years. Before I hit “submit” on my staff application, they sent me a staff handbook… and my heart sank. The “company culture” reflected in the handbook seemed really unhealthy. I’d be committing to an all-encompassing, workaholic ministry culture while being halfway around the world with no family support. Plus, I found so much life in illustrating, not to mention the impact it had on local kids. I knew I’d probably have to give it up if I made that commitment.
Soul-searching made me see how I felt like I had to be a missionary because of a sense of religious obligation. I.e., “Good Christians become missionaries,” “good Christians live poor and suffer.” That religious obligation made me feel like I was staying in God’s good graces. But in the 3 years of prep, I unintentionally became a different person–or rather, became more of my true self. And in that, I found another possible path in life–one that’s freer and truer to who I am. I also unintentionally built community connections in Lancaster County through my side business as an artist. None of that was easy.
So I had to choose between 2 challenging roads in 2018:
(1) Moving to Australia would mean getting to travel a lot, but also… raising financial support, uprooting my whole life, not seeing my family for years at a time, devoting every waking minute to ministry, not having creative freedom, and starting from scratch in terms of building relationships (which itself takes years)
(2) Staying in Lancaster would be… less exciting, and I knew nothing about starting a business. But I saw I had a real shot at building my dream career because I already built relationships and connections, found favor, and established a reputation.
The mindset shifts I needed were:
- building things in life (networks, relationships, business, etc.) comes from staying and committing, not constantly chasing the next big adventure,
- that I don’t have to be afraid of living a life that’s true to who I am, despite others’ opinions and expectations,
- a career choice (like being an illustrator) IS a viable way to be a “missionary,” and
- “good Christians” don’t just have to be poor missionaries; they can be artists and wealthy business owners.
Door #2 was the choice that gave me the most peace, but I still had to wrestle with the logic of it and let go of the sense of obligation holding me back. Through that process, I learned this principle: when trying to start something new, use what’s already in your hands. Don’t reinvent the wheel; make the most of what you’ve been given.
What established relationships & connections do you already have? What skills do you already know? Where do you already have favor? What always gives you joy? Whenever I’ve felt like it was time for a shift in life, all I had to do was look at what was right in front of me. God had already equipped me with everything (and everyone) I needed to enter into it.
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